own religion

things at home suck...they had been getting bad for the past 3 years..And according to my family I am main reason behind it. Obviously I am the only one to blame. I gladly take that on my shoulders because taking blame for stuff is my hobby. Reason? It makes me want to puke my intestines out... 

Got enough guilt to start my own religion.

I think I need to go and buy some laxatives again... It seems like without them everything stays in me for AGES. 55.9 today. I know its a plateau due to shortly upcoming period. I am gonna get through it. 

Christmas is coming... due to drama its not looking as good as I want it to. Also I have a bottle of Beujoilais waiting for me for New Year. I am gonna sit alone and drink it till I black out. That is my New Years plan..more fabulous than the 21 previous of them. New Years was always a disaster, my parents never let me get out of the house... and now also I have no friends to hang out with here because all of my friends are left on another continent and living my previous life. I promised myself that this new years will be different.. I was supposed to spend it with my friends...but I guess tradition is a tradition..there are just some things we will never run away from... no matter how hard we try..

Its snowing.. i need to find a reason to sneak out and buy laxatives... 

EDIT: I snuck out and bought laxatives... took 3 pills and waiting for the effect. 

I can't wait to be skinny. I am doing pretty well.. ate 600 kcal today. 0 bread or pasta or anything like that... basically only protein. I ate my last mini meal at 6pm. No more food for me today..... 

I hate my face today. So ugly. Bleh... all because of pms breakouts. So done with them. 

Also this vid. made me not eat tonight! SO MOTIVATING!

http://www.mtv.com/videos/made-season-11-ep-20-bodybuilder/1650891/playlist.jhtml