Wow.. I have some new followers. Welcome. Welcome friends in crime... 

55.5 today. I am doing good. I just came back from classes and its 8pm. Normally I would run to the fridge. But not today. Today I am going to keep it clean till tomorrow. 

I talked to my ex last night. Finally I was able to talk to him about stuff, about us, without crying. 

The situation is that we broke up 1,5 year ago. Due to distance and stuff. I had been hang up on him since then. When he got to know I am leaving the continent probably forever he came to visit. I got drunk and told him that I still love him.. I kissed him the way you should not kiss anyone unless you mean it. He acted weird. Like he wanted to reciprocate but he couldn't. So nothing happened. 

2 weeks after that.. right in the middle of hell.. our mutual "friend" told me he has had a girlfriend for like 3,5 moths. I freaked out. I felt awful. The "friend" was sent by his girlfriend to spy on me because she thought he is still in love with me.... 

Anyways... the talk was good. Refreshing. And I melted when he told me that those kisses were the best in his life. He is not with that girl anymore because  :"she was boring, annoying, she never felt enthusiastic about anything, and I think she is anorexic." Well shit. I think I am too, but I know how to hide it well. Apparently he hated how she would shop for their dinner and freak out about everything or being all childish... I did opposite... I used to cook for him.. 

anyways.. I feel like if he would get a girlfriend I would be ok with it. I love him.. i think, but I know we can't be together. Its that simple.

I know that he will never find a girl better than me. But I know he will find a girl that he will love more. And that scares me.  Whatever, its time to let go. Its time for the next step of my evolution... i got rid of ex-ex now its time to get rid of ex. 

I observed that my ass and my legs look waaaay better in jeans now..I am actually starting to feel skinny :) My mother just asked me what did I eat today. I lied. Lies are a part of me more than truth is. Because I truly don't know how I am.  

My cellulite on thighs looks absolutely gross... I will get it fixed once all of this madness with school will be over... I know I can do it.  I want to start climbing again...