I feel fat and awful. I ate... something like 2000 today. Maybe 1800. I feel so fat. I have 16 days left and I be I will not get to my goal. I hate my legs. I absolutely despise them. I have this girl in my lectures....SO PETITE. So skinny. So organized. She wears the stuff I would. She is not really beautiful but she is so..pure.
God I want to be skinny. This is to slow. I dont know if i can do 400 kcal and less. I am not good at starving. But otherwise I will be fat, fat, fat for my bday. Its not like I have a party. Noone will celebrate. But I just cant spend another year like this. Always fat. Never achieving the results I really want :/ :/ :/ I feel so hopeless.
I say I will eat that little as I planned but I know I am going to fail. I REALLY want to find this strenght inside of me to be able to make it. And I know that even after 2 weeks of doing that I will not be at my goal... DAMN IT.
i absolutely know what you are talking about. i envy all the skinny, pure, prefect and kinda "innocent" ambitious organized and blablabla girls. i had so many of them in my class, and it was driving me crazy that i just wasn't one of them. but i want to get the strength. we can do everything we want, if we REALLY want to. it takes a lot of willpower and patience. and i'm not strong and not patient. i'm just a little freak, trying to be someone who i am not. but it's worth it. there's this quote - life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself. and this is so true - at least for me. all the best and take care xxx <3
ReplyDeleteI always tell myself:
ReplyDeleteYou have to push yourself if you want results. That's how anything in life works. You have to decide what you want more in the long run, not the moment.