Appreciate.

I realized that my freak out was due to pms+ bad mood + gain.

I am ok now. I mean I still gained a kilogram but I feel like its mainly water weight. I decided to think optimistic. So there it goes.

I am relatively beautiful. I like myself. I acknowledge I am not perfect but I am working on it.

I didn't gain or pig out during the holidays. I LOST weight during the holidays. I am sticking to my diet. I stopped eating white bread ENTIRELY. And I haven't touched chocolate since New years even tough yesterday my mom bought CHOCOLATE CAKE. I was almost ready to bite into it with all of this "I-am-gaining-shit&*#(%&#$(" mode. But I stopped myself.

I drink more water than ever. I am fitting into my sisters jeans. They are mighty tight but still. I can button up and everything. Back in October I could barely put them on. Today I took my old/new hot panties size M. They fit perfectly. I am going to loose this 4,6 kg and keep it off. I will also start running as soon as the snow disappears that way I will be able to slowly go out of the restriction mode and eat more on the days I will be running. So maybe I would be eating 300 kcal more on the days I will be running. That way my body will get the idea of burning more kcal. I think I can function normally on 1000 kcal. I don't like food. I don't like to eat, on my binge days I eat that much, so I feel that this way will be a good way to maintain and get out of the diet. I am excited by just writing about this. I am going to be 51 kg and I will be happy from the way I look. I need to love myself. If I wont nobody else will :)

I asked my mother to buy me vegetables because I miss the time before I came back to live at home when I had veggies with every meal. My family doesn't eat fresh veggies at all. So she did and I just had a salad with a splash of olive oil and a lot of herbs.

I had something like 500 kcal today. Good Girl Mey... good girl. I have 4 months. I will get there.. I just can't let this gain to bring me down.