missing fall

I miss fall. But hte fall back in the time when I used to go to school. Colder days... more layers, new school notebooks... I miss it. Now its not the same, because I have no space for myslef at home. No way of curling on a bed with a book. My home has never provided me with warmth, sence of routine, nor the normal childhood plan of action. We dont have a dinner table. We dont sit together and spend time like normal people. We exist in some kind of forced marazm. I promised myslef I will not come back, but here I am... against my will. Because I am to scared to go out to the real world and get my ass kicked. Well. I am in a middle of planning this. I have a year to figure out my stuff. I need to get out of here. It wouldn't blame mhy parents for everything, because they have their own way of being. Its just not my way and I can't accept it. My parents are highly educated people. I think they are both sociopaths. They don't have friends. They work from home. They don't socialize. They consider people who work for other people to be slaves and under them. They are super conservative. They control my every move. My relationships with other people. I tried to fight it. Its not the way. Not AT ALL. The only way is to LEAVE. The home. Than the town. Than the country. Keep the relationship going for the sake of my sisters. But thats about it. I long to have my own place to live. My own source of income. Thats ALL I WANT. The 3 years I was living on another continent (still they were paying) were the best years of my life. I want that back. But without their money. This year is all I can take. Not more not less. June is the time of exams to arch schools even tough the one in my city is the best in the country I want to go to the one in city 400 km away from it, to run away. I dont care. I can make it anywhere.

Doing the 200 situps and pushups challenge. my stability ball exercises work. My inner thights hurt like hell.